It's almost the year 2000. It seems like just under a year ago that we were bringing in 1999, and I for one am pretty darn excited for this new year. It's the first time I can remember EVERY SINGLE digit in the year changing. Cool, huh?
But the new year has me thinking about something else — something perhaps a bit more pressing. As we get farther and farther into our own futures, we're leaving behind so many memories, so many nostalgic tidbits from our pasts. (Note: For best effect, read preceding sentence while listening to the latest emotional ballad from Sarah MacLachlan.) I'm upset. And I'm not upset in the "I just got my arm chewed off by a rabid sea turtle on steroids" sense; I'm upset in the "I need a funny column topic sense."
What has me upset is this: As we're getting older and our lives our progressing — we're leaving behind some pretty cool stuff. And if you ask me, some of these things simply have to come back.
For example: Let's bring back Hypercolor. Hypercolor t-shirts were really cool for about six minutes somewhere between sixth grade and now. They were those shirts that, if you blew on them, they changed color. If you've ever owned one of these shirts (I had to blue one and the orange one), you know they're approximately the coolest thing that has ever existed. They're cool enough that you can get away with wearing the ORANGE ones. I miss them, and I want them back.
Something else that needs to make a comeback is Nintendo. I'm not talking N-64, or any of those whacked out games that are on CD and that are supposedly in 3-D but to me look like nothing more than the innards of a large rodent's digestive system. I'm talking about the ORIGINAL Nintendo. Remember Duck Hunt? Of COURSE you remember Duck Hunt. Today, video games are all about violence, fighting, and murder. In the days of Nintendo, good old Duck Hunt was just about the senseless killing of ducks with a big gun for no apparent reason. And don't even get me STARTED on Atari.
There's more — so much more — that needs to get back into the mainstream. Velcro? What happened? Back in the days when all the cool sneakers had pumps on them (yes, that needs to come back, too) — all shoes had Velcro. I couldn't tie my shoes until approximately last week, and Velcro was an absolute lifesaver. You could be in or out of your shoes in seconds, and the ripping Velcro made that way-cool sound. Now, some of you may still have shoes with Velcro fasteners. I don't. So really, what I'm saying here is: Bring back Velcro for MY shoes.
And what about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael? I can still tell you which one uses which weapon. The cartoon was good, the movie was better, and the action figure toys were... well, okay, they were really crappy. But the movie ROCKED. When will TMNT the movie get released with THX technology and new scenes added in? I'll tell you one thing: Donatello could kick Jar Jar's behind five ways from Friday.
You know what else I miss? The GOOD TV shows. None of this "Must See TV" crap — I miss You Can't Do That On Television. I miss Facts of Life. I miss when MTV showed videos and VH1 was the sucky one.
And what the heckfire happened to Lite Brite? This was the most ingenious toy ever! It combined my two favorites things from childhood: Art and Fire Hazards! You remember Lite Brite: You put the little colored pegs in the little slots, you plugged it in, and then you have a lit up version of your incredibly crappy peg drawing. (I would like to know who the heckfire made all those incredible, Mona Lisa-level pictures on the box cover. And I would also like to know why I suddenly seem to be such a big fan of the word "heckfire.")
There are many more comebacks that I'm waiting for. Where in the name of all that is holy is Wayne's World 3? Hello, Hollywood? Where's that over-mocked commercial with the lady who has fallen and she can't get up? Now the only even MILDLY similar commercial involves Bob Dole and some new medicine. (Think about that one for a minute; it's funny.)
Speak and Spell. You had Speak and Spell, didn't you? This funny orange thing, maybe you could even call it a computer. It played games, it played hangman, and it talked in a really scary voice that sounded like a cranky Pee Wee Herman (bring him back, too!).
I could go on and on, but I won't. Because there's something else that we need to bring back too, and I'm starting right now. What ever happened to nap time?
This page was created by SimpleText2Html 1.0 on 19-Sep-101.